The little sh*t that made me fart

As a stepparent there are things that would normally be "normal" but since you did not raise the kids from birth there are some things (going to the restroom, farting, walking around half naked) that still demand privacy.

For whatever reason, my step-kids (particularly the oldest one) are always dying to hear me fart. Growing up I was the only one of my sisters (I have 2, both older) that felt comfortable enough and free enough to do this anytime. In fact, the more inappropriate the timing, the better.

Lucky for everyone around me (except I guess my step-kids) I eventually matured and learned there was a time and place to exercise those freedoms (the bathroom only). I understand that on occasion it may be a little harder to control but for the love of fresh air, we must all try.

The kids have literally told on everyone near and dear to them in an effort to make me feel more comfortable with farting in front of them. They have even tried to hide outside the bathroom door (thank you Meagan, my stepdaughter, for alerting me to this)! It's important to note, that I continue to stand my ground on this, and still do not "let freedom ring" whenever I please.

Since I first told the kids about this blog, Dylan, The oldest, has been trying to "create" material for me so I would blog about him. I could brag (i'll take a quick moment to do that) and talk about his goal streak that he's been on in hockey, or how he continually gets a 4.0 in school, or how he currently has 106% in biology, but I thought I would make him really proud (and take the wind out of his sales) and tell about one of his proudest moments.  The moment he forced me to fart in front of him.

The details are a little foggy, I believe I was cooking, if not, this is how I remember the story. I told Dylan that I needed to go to the restroom so please watch whatever was on the stove. Since he's 15, his ears stopped working about 2 years ago, so he did not listen to me. Instead he put his new, more adolescent, muscles to work, and forced me into a corner at the bottom of the stairs that separated me from the restroom. As he pinned me into the corner it was all I could do not to pee my pants right then and there (which I believe I threatened him I would do). This did not scare him, in fact I think in encouraged him. He had me laughing so hard, and I was trying so hard not to pee my pants that it forced me to fulfill his goal of nearly 4 years... I farted in front of him! You would have thought this kid just watched the Penguins (his favorite hockey team) win the Stanley Cup! He was so happy, and cheered so loudly that I almost completely forgot to be humiliated!

The 1 good thing that has come from this incident is that all the pressure is off (no pun intended).

I choose to tell this story and share it with you because:
1.) I'm pretty sure Dylan (the little sh*t that made me fart) would never expect it.
2.) In the same way we all put our pants on 1 leg at a time, we also all fart (even my 2 sisters).
3.) Now that I have told this story, nothing is off limits when it comes to what I can write about him!