The little sh*t that made me fart

As a stepparent there are things that would normally be "normal" but since you did not raise the kids from birth there are some things (going to the restroom, farting, walking around half naked) that still demand privacy.

For whatever reason, my step-kids (particularly the oldest one) are always dying to hear me fart. Growing up I was the only one of my sisters (I have 2, both older) that felt comfortable enough and free enough to do this anytime. In fact, the more inappropriate the timing, the better.

Lucky for everyone around me (except I guess my step-kids) I eventually matured and learned there was a time and place to exercise those freedoms (the bathroom only). I understand that on occasion it may be a little harder to control but for the love of fresh air, we must all try.

The kids have literally told on everyone near and dear to them in an effort to make me feel more comfortable with farting in front of them. They have even tried to hide outside the bathroom door (thank you Meagan, my stepdaughter, for alerting me to this)! It's important to note, that I continue to stand my ground on this, and still do not "let freedom ring" whenever I please.

Since I first told the kids about this blog, Dylan, The oldest, has been trying to "create" material for me so I would blog about him. I could brag (i'll take a quick moment to do that) and talk about his goal streak that he's been on in hockey, or how he continually gets a 4.0 in school, or how he currently has 106% in biology, but I thought I would make him really proud (and take the wind out of his sales) and tell about one of his proudest moments.  The moment he forced me to fart in front of him.

The details are a little foggy, I believe I was cooking, if not, this is how I remember the story. I told Dylan that I needed to go to the restroom so please watch whatever was on the stove. Since he's 15, his ears stopped working about 2 years ago, so he did not listen to me. Instead he put his new, more adolescent, muscles to work, and forced me into a corner at the bottom of the stairs that separated me from the restroom. As he pinned me into the corner it was all I could do not to pee my pants right then and there (which I believe I threatened him I would do). This did not scare him, in fact I think in encouraged him. He had me laughing so hard, and I was trying so hard not to pee my pants that it forced me to fulfill his goal of nearly 4 years... I farted in front of him! You would have thought this kid just watched the Penguins (his favorite hockey team) win the Stanley Cup! He was so happy, and cheered so loudly that I almost completely forgot to be humiliated!

The 1 good thing that has come from this incident is that all the pressure is off (no pun intended).

I choose to tell this story and share it with you because:
1.) I'm pretty sure Dylan (the little sh*t that made me fart) would never expect it.
2.) In the same way we all put our pants on 1 leg at a time, we also all fart (even my 2 sisters).
3.) Now that I have told this story, nothing is off limits when it comes to what I can write about him!

$10 to more responsible kids

My step-kids are ages 15, 13, and 11. This means 3 things for our household:

1. There are hormones flying around like crazy

2. There are lots of people that THINK they know EVERYTHING

3. We have "NO FOOD!"

At the start of the new year my husband and I resolved to building up our savings, however, the kids were literally eating us out of house and home. I was talking about this at work one day and someone asked me, "why don't you charge them?" At first I laughed, then I started thinking... It seemed a little harsh to charge them (even for a step-parent) especially since none of them have steady jobs. We expect the kids to do chores and help out around the house and have never paid them for it, but that was now becoming part of the plan (muahahaha).

Here's how it works:

photo credit biz setup.wordpress.com

1. They each have the potential of earning $10 a week for doing chores

2. If the chores are not done to our standards (in other words correctly) there will be $1 deducted from the $10 pot for each thing not done, or not done correctly (plus they have to do it again).

3. On Sunday they will receive the chore $$ payout.

4. That $$ must, and can ONLY, be used to buy snack food

5. They can buy whatever snacks they want but it must be within their $10 budget

6. If they get caught eating someone else's snack without permission they must pay that person $1 from their own snack money the following week.

7. The only food they are allowed to snack on ALL week is what they were able to buy with their snack money 

When I first presented this idea to the family (including the hubs) it did not go over so well. My husband and I talked about it breifly before we took it to the kids and we'll say he was more than hesitant. I begged him to trust me and pretend he fully supported the idea in front of the kids. If it was a disaster after the first week, we would consider other options. However, it worked amazingly even with our oldest, most opinionated, kid that knows everything (insert eye roll here). 

Here is what they have learned:

1. Food actually does cost money (aka the value of a dollar)

2. Different foods can keep you fuller longer

3. Trading and sharing can be awesome

4. They can make money off each other (this was a surprise, even to us)

5. How to budget $$

6. Just because you're hungry doesn't mean you HAVE to eat!

7. Generic doesn't mean gross 

8. It pays to do things right the first time

9. How to comparison shop

10. How to make tough decisions

This helps us out by putting a cap on how much were spending on snack food and also ensures that the groceries I buy with a purpose (all of them) stay in the cupboard until I need them. We have been doing this for several weeks now and the kids are still loving it. If you try this or something similar leave me a comment with any other ideas you have (or if you just want to tell me how genius this idea is).